Habits

Before I got married I,

Did laundry when all of the underwears were dirty.
Did dishes when all the dishes were dirty.
Ate when I was hungry.
Never ate snacks.
Didn't have cable.
Stayed up at night until I couldn't keep my eyes open

For the last seven years I have

done laundry every Sunday.
never gone to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.
started eating lunch and dinner with some regularity.
Started eating snacks with greater regularity.
Watched t.v.(I don't really commit to it but there it is- often on.)
Tried to go to bed so that I wouldn't be tired in the morning.

I thought these changes were mostly because I was living with another person. Every now and then during hyperhormonal moments I even get annoyed at Mr. Sophanne in my head and blame him for making me so "regimented."

He's on a little adventure of his own and I was left to my own devices.

Last night I still made dinner, did the dishes, ate a pile of ice cream sandwiches and went to bed at a reasonable hour. The t.v. was on as I transitioned from late afternoon to evening but the volume was way down. I have assimilated structure as a part of my life where there once was none.

Those things still felt a little weird to me. I'm used to my brain racing everywhere. I imagined myself getting into all kinds of mischief with knitting books and craft supplies and maybe some crazy cooking project at 2 in the morning. It's still how my brain works most of the time. I flit, I flutter, I wander from thought to thought and my being is guided by the whims of my brain, often becoming so overwhelmed that rather than do anything, I sit and knit.

There's more balance in my life and I've still hung on to the creative/random way of being. There's more food in my life which isn't necessarily a good thing. It's a change that I wouldn't have really noticed if Mr. Sophanne had not gone adventuring. It's a good thing to notice. There's more to it than I can articulate but for now I'm just going to notice it and feel it and maybe I'll figure out what it all means- or doesn't mean.