Sunday, August 26, 2012

Shopping for Clothes.

I have a husband who is happy to tell me when clothes are not complimentary on me.  Some might find this distressing.  I do not.  The man has good fashion sense.  He knows what I want to look like.  He knows when I look good.

When he's had an episode (as husband's will) of being a complete and utter jackass (unrelated to the above topic), so much so that he is too embarrassed to either acknowledge or apologize, he finds another way to do it.  (For the record, this happens less than once a year so there's no need to worry about my marital health)  Yesterday he decided that we needed to buy some clothes for me that I looked good in.  He knows how I hate doing this.  He agreed to browse racks, stand by the fitting room and "be there" the whole time.  (this will give you some indication of what a jackass he was last week.)

Here are some things he learned about shopping in women's clothing stores.

There is a subtle difference between "Ladies" clothing and "Women's" clothing.  Ladies clothing runs from size 4-12 (18 if you're lucky)  Women's clothing runs from 18 and up.

His wife is a woman.

Designer clothing outlets (american outfitters, old navy, calvin klein, etc) NEVER carry Women's clothing.  In fact, in the outlet mall where we were shopping, there are exactly 4 stores that do.

This did not prevent him from walking into every single designer store looking for "plus" sizes.  I refused to join him after receiving two "what the hell do you think you'll find in here?" stares.

You do not yell "Honey, WHAT SIZE ARE YOU?" across the store floor, no matter how nice the help has been.

Younger sales clerks are surprised and delighted when seeing a husband take interest in his wife's clothes.  They help him and join his banter and smile a lot.  As do nearby customers.

Older sales clerks are surprised and not at all delighted by the same events.  In fact, they will ignore him likes he's a girl in a used car lot, and when he actually looks at the clothing in the racks, you will see them checking to make sure his hands are clean.

These older clerks appear to be convinced that said wife is being squashed under the power of a controlling obnoxious man and will presume to know what his wife should wear better than he does, saying to him "let me just go pull a few things from the racks for you" without hearing what will and will not work.

When his wife  suggests to the clerk that the 3/4 length sleeve clingy sweater will not work for her for several reasons (one being that her workplace is occasionally 75 degrees or higher), she smugly looks at her and says "I'm wearing it and it looks fine on me."

His wife has enough self control to NOT say "well, yes, if by working you mean I can see the entire contour of your ample belly,"

End of lessons.  Further thoughts.

Looking around while shopping it became clear that many Plus Size women do not mind clothes that are loud, sparkly, and show every curve and roll that they have.

I am not one of those women.  I will not be wearing a see-through tunic that gently gathers right below my girth to accent it's breadth.  And really?  I don't need to try it on to discover that.

Clerks who suggest that the reason they are unable to find something I like because I don't like the right things should be punched in the head.  Hard.  More. Than. Once.

If you are (or know) one of these clerks, might I suggest a simple and polite "I'm not really sure what you're looking for.  Feel free to look around."

Two hours and 3 shirts later I was actually more anxious and annoyed than I was when he was acting like a jackass.  I just wasn't anxious and annoyed by HIM.  Well played, husband, well played.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Hill Air a Bus

It's fuzzy, it's grainy, it looks a little like bumper cars from a distance.  But... there aren't words enough to express gratitude when your friend sends you Live School Bus Demolition Derby videos on the day before school .
Oh how I love that crunching sound!

Show me the funny- knit night edition

KnitnightTara has been featured here several times.  Really, for as much as I've been posting, or been funny, this could really be her blog by proxy.

Last night at knit night was no exception.  She was accounting to us her recent slightly OCD cleaning spree.  I asked her if she dusted her vacuum cleaner (I once knew someone who did that)  She said,

 "no, I take my vacuum cleaner apart and vacuum it with another vacuum cleaner. I LOVE cleaning my vacuum cleaner."

She also said that she sometimes gets freezer burn from using compressed air to dust with.

The rest of the conversation (with different people participating) went something like this:

Some people really get addicted to that propellant.

Yea, they're probably not addicted to air.

I'M addicted to air.

Quick!  We need an intervention!   Hilarious.

Later that evening Tara told the story of a couple who were distressed about the fact that people were abandoning kittens at their home. (It had happened twice)  The husband said, "I'm going to put up a sign that says I'm going to call the police if it happens again."

Someone else at knit night wondered aloud, "what could they be arrested for?"

KnitnightMarc replied, "LITTERING!"  It was HILARIOUS!

Moving on...

Today at school I learned about the reward system at one of my more difficult schools.  I was told there are 6 kids in the class and if they receive 8 reward tokens (EACH) by the end of class, they will get a reward when I leave.  In addition to teaching a little something I will somehow (hopefully) be giving 48 reward tokens in a period of 40 minutes.  I was informed however that if a student was being restrained for physical aggression by one of the other instructors, I was NOT to give a token- even if s/he was participating.

Ten years ago this would have left me slightly nervous and on edge for the first day at this school.  While getting old and fat has done nothing for my personal self-image, I can tell you that having 25 years of teaching experience behind me makes me feel GREAT!  In fact rather than being nervous about it, I think it's all, once again, HILARIOUS! (which also happens to be my new favorite word.)

And finally a knitting report.

I finished the boring repetitive part of Juno Regina with my gorgeous Yarnageddon alpaca silk laceweight yarn.  I began the ending diamonds.

I knit chart 7 (reading the chart rather than the typed out version- I'm getting that good)

I knit chart 8. as above.  Yeah, buddy!

I knit chart 9 go the heck out of me.  Awesome knitter is my middle name.

I knit chart 11- I am so good at seeing and remembering the symbols for all of those knit 4 and knit 3 togethers.  Look at all of those yarn overs!  This will be the best lace EVAH!

The observant and knitting-Goddess afflicted among you (I'm looking at YOU Yarnhog) will immediately recognize the problem.  Not only did I skip chart 10, I went to chart 11 which included a hairy ass pile of knit togethers and yarnovers in LACEWEIGHT.  Who can see that shit to fix it?

It's been tinked (both the first row of chart 11 and the purl row that followed it).  Where once there were 89 stitches there are now 84. Juno Regina's got some splainin' to do and I've got some bifocals to get so I can get things back in order.

The Knitting Goddess, however, thinks this is HILARIOUS!

ETA- In still MORE TARAWESOMENESS, she just emailed me video of the School Bus Demolition Derby taking place at the Washington County Fair Grounds!  Hi-damn-larry-bus!
p.s. throwslikeagirl, I AM STILL THINKING OF YOU!

Friday, August 10, 2012

When in doubt,

Buy Ice Cream.

Actually, I didn't buy this ice cream.  Mr. Sophanne did. 

 You see, my schedule has changed. For the last few years, population and principal pull allowed be at one school all the time.  With a change in population and pull comes a change in my schedule.  I am only there 3 1/2 days.  The other day and a half I travel to other schools.

This makes me sad.

Yea, new faces, new people to impress, new students to teach blah blah blah.  Yea, it'll all work out.

My students used to have music 5 times every 3 weeks. 60 times a year!  Now they will have it once a week.  I will see them 36 times this year.  It's not enough.  And it's a little harder when it's been so good for so long.  

Mr. Sophanne understands the degree to which this has caused me distress. 

It's a three ice-cream emergency.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

And so it goes...

I have been knitting with a beautiful silk/alpaca laceweight from Stitchjones' Yarnaggedon and the Juno Regina Stole pattern by Miriam Felton.

It's been in my queue for quite some time and yarn, time and pattern all came together at once.  There are about 60 rows of the boring part (out of 324)  and then the patterning at the end.  A better picture will hopefully be forthcoming.

I watched the Mars landing live on Sunday night/Monday morning.  That's about the coolest thing ever.  I mean, they are WAY out there.  I was keyed up after watching and ended up Netflix-ing Star Trek for 2 hours afterwards.

Dog and I must enjoy our last few days together.  I will try to keep the school nightmares dreams to a minimum with positive thinking.  Good luck with that.