Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Bam no Pow, try again.

Th previously posted bird in hand mitts were frogged. Bam Pow in madtosh. It would be a victory if they weren't too small.



Made some easypeasy potato soup. Pepper is key. Second batch was better than the first.

When it's time to return to the world it's going to be difficult. We've been napping-sleeping-bingeing-repeat for a complete week; taking a break only to go to the grocery store.


Saturday, December 24, 2016


The thing is, everyone has gone through this with someone in their lives. Benign? Malignant? No signs? Metastasized?

Buddhist meditation and non-attachment becomes laughable. Which is, I suppose the Buddha's joke regarding the human condition. Attachment causes suffering. You can't help but attach. There will always be suffering. (Suffering in the Buddhist definition- greathusbandbob isn't suffering suffering.)

And so one day it is clear that the doctor will announce he has many years ahead and the next day all he says is he will have to fight for his life. And the appointment isn't until January 4th. And every now and then I take a Xanax when I start to get to ahead of myself.

In the meantime, the Gnomes have a friend. (Why does autocorrect always capitalize Gnomes?)


Her boobs are uneven but it is my understanding that most are. More realistic. Soon she will be monogamous as this evening I find her a life partner. Until now I thought the Gnomes looked monk-like I'll have to see if there is chemistry.


Monday, December 19, 2016

Why "stepson" Ian is the best.

Firstly I was fine and cool with all things surgically related up until the moment pre-op was over and he was headed to op. Ian takes an elephant when he travels to share the trip with his girls. This trip was no exception.


He also had a pre-op selfie with dad. Does it count as a selfie if someone else snaps the pic?


Shortly after this was taken I was a hot crying mess and he held me close and told me how lucky I am to love someone so much that it makes all the feels.

In the waiting room he pulled up every adorable picture of his cute girls and dog on his computer from when they lived in Switzerland to distract.

Once I settled in to some calmness and knitting (the second Xanax in as many hours) he and brotherJerry went for a walk. There was a vendor entering Mountaineer Field and thus an open gate. Ian began live streaming their break-in which eventually led to a golf/injury cart (with keys). The only thing that stopped them from pulling a Marshawn Lynch (YouTube link) was that greathusbandbob might need them later in the day.

No YouTube upload but a good picture for proof.


So kmkat, we are the lucky ones. Surrounded by distractions when there's no use in worrying.

All that being said, greathusbandbob is minus one left kidney, a previously unnoticed hernia and some tissue from the lymph node to check for the bad stuff. While waiting for him to get out of recovery both son Ian and I would turn to look at anyone entering the room, fully believing him indestructible enough to pop out a kidney and come Immediately home to binge on some Netflix.

Son Ian is spending the night in the hospital. When greathusbandbob expressed worry an d concern that I might leave him because he was sick I said "I never liked that left kidney anyway."


Saturday, December 17, 2016

Making things.

Making things to distraction,
Making Kate Gilbert's Bird in Hand Mitts

Making potato broccoli soup. Yes, I did in fact use a blender. Added some but not enough cayenne pepper.. the blandish flavor tells me why they sometimes add bacon to it. Greathusbandbob's disdain for cheese limited that ingredient which would likely improve it.

Making my fingers work a little better on the ukulele. Kitchen shelf liner is the answer to the smooth back of the uke sliding off my protruding belly.

We are in stasis. I am at peace with stasis for now (because change is still in the distance.). I woke up feeling Bob Marleyish everything's gonna be.... etc.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Stress test his ass.

The following is the update sent today.

We spent the day with Dr. Cardio who, by 4:30 this afternoon, phoned Dr. Kidneyremover. Dr. Knockhimoutsohedoesntwakeup (the one ultimately responsible for Tuesday's cancellation) hasn't jumped in yet but we believe that Dr. Cardio gave him enough info to go forward this time.

Pre-op tomorrow, surgery on Monday.

And because that's how Dr. Cardios operate, we got fair warning of possible heart failure or stroke.

I am at my most absurd when stressed to the max- on beyond crying, I have become Dark-humored Detective Lennie Briscoe from Law and Order.

In better news- estranged daughter of brotherjerry saw the joy and ridiculousness of the Tuesday photo and has become just a little less estranged.

In crack me up a little bit news- I've done the same songs in my winter program for the last five years. You've heard this story- spirituals. So many came up to say "that was the best show ever." I really need to quit worrying about whether the program is the same every year or not.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Stress test my ass. Today should have counted as a pass.

No surgery today.

Dr. Cardio verbally approved surgery last Monday. That is not what was in his written notes. When Dr. Anesthesiologist got the report he did not see approval. No one told Dr. Urology Surgeon or Patient Greathusbandbob. We arrived promptly at 10:45 am and waited patiently to be sent home at 2:30 pm. Everyone blames Friday's pre-op administrators for the snafu but they were unavailable for comment.

With some fancy insurance footwork and a nuclear stress test (the second in as many years), we are rescheduled for the 19th.

I see their secret plot. Make everyone mad enough to overtake the worry. In other related news, today's Christmas vacation countdown calendar present was a bag of marbles so once again, perfection.

Around 1:30 brother and sister in law were getting hungry having eaten nothing all day. It was only after a fifteen minute conversation about whether to go to the cafeteria that I remembered the treats in my bag.

Greathusbandbob, always one to make the best of a bad situation hauled the fam over to the Aunt so she could have a family picture. I'm the only one she's actually related to. The woman in red is Barbara who lives there and whose short term memory is so bad there was never a lull in conversation.

So don't think of it as not losing a kidney with cancer, think of it as a treasured family memory.



Monday, December 12, 2016


First the vacation countdown advent milk carton calendar. Gift number one:

Deodorant. Would that I could hear our inspiration Gerry Brooks say that word.

I won't be here to open most of them but believe I will do so daily just to make each day have a little laugh.

Second- the people that care about you. The kindergarten aides and teachers put together a waiting for surgery hospital goodie bag to keep me busy while we wait tomorrow. I love people.


All of the goodies won't fit in one picture but this should keep me good for an hour or two.


Third- the people who are in your life who become closer and more connected to you because they've been there done that, and in doing so would move heaven and earth to be helpful



Still worried.

Still waiting.

Still scared.

Still medicating. It's not making me sleepy which is how I measure if I am overusing. (That and following the directions on the script)

Still having bouts of hidden tears.

GreatsonIan arrives in the morning tomorrow.

GreatbrotherJerry and GreatsisinlawMerly arrive tomorrow evening.

GreatauntSippy made me laugh and feel comforted today (in spite of pointing out it's how her husband died.)

Surgering surgery on Tuesday.

Winter program at school on Wednesday. Little does the sub know his main purpose that day will be setting up th sound system and tearing it down.

No more school until 2017 after that.

If greathusbandbob weren't such a badass, he would still be waiting for the initial consult originally scheduled for the 15th. As always he gets shit done and doesn't waste any time.

A reading of the results of the CT scan ( with and without contrast) says there's no indication of metastasizing which I know is only preliminary but feels a little promising.

le sigh.

Friday, December 09, 2016

Bring on all of the meds because I feel stuff and worry and that's part of being alive.

Greathusbandbob is having a kidney removed on Tuesday. His son and his brother are coming to town to stand watch and be my helping family.

The winter program is the day after the surgery. I have a sub coming to help set up. Then I will have a sub all the way through until break begins.

It's funny how school works. Most crises are faced with either hush hush gossip or a three page long email explaining every detail.

I opted for middle ground. Tell what I know. The simple facts. If people want to ask more, they can. And sometimes they know you'll just cry so they hug you and move on. As it turns out, one good friend had a similar and positive outcome to share that I had no idea about. And talking to her made me feel better.

I think, minus the outliers, everybody goes through lots of the same hard stuff. If you're willing to put yourself out here first (without appearing to have borderline personality disorder) there is reassurance, empathy and comfort to be found. Also Betty doesn't even know about this blog, but thanks anyway Betty.

Sunday, December 04, 2016

Adorable and funny or not

While having a class full of kindergarteners come up to me, trap me behind my keyboard in close quarters and whisper what they asked their classroom elf on a shelf for is, in fact, adorable, the accompanying fever chills and sneezing that was to shortly follow was not. Zicam work your magic. I know zicam is not science but I'm hoping for a placebo effect.

This adorable has no side effects-


This window of pointing Gnomes is what I see when walking out of the bedroom. So as long as it's not zero dark thirty, I laugh a little when I wake up.

In the category of make Mondays better I'll be making homemade mac and cheese and hard boiled eggs for lunches next week. If this recipe has the same effect as the last two (as in the sight of food prepared by me made me physically squeamish) then I give up. It will be PB&J the rest of the year.

Also there is this- by pernciple Gerry Brooks

There are four of us who will be making our nine day milk carton advent calendar next week and begin opening them on December 12. Should make for some laughing.

In other medical news, aunt continues to walk, cousin is no longer eligible for Medicair, only Medicaid (thank you Pennsylvania) and greathusbandbob has appointments on Monday and Wednesday next week for some calcification in his heart and a mass growing on a kidney. For now we are pretending it's all in a days doctor appointment because what's the point of worrying.