Saturday, May 12, 2012

Helicopters, goats, and microphones

Hi blog. There are some of you reading who aren’t really my friends. With a dose of that knowledge, and while it really shouldn’t have, it took the wind out of my “isn’t blogland awesome” sails.

This blog has made for some very happy moments in the past so I’ll do what I can to forget the ugly and move on. No promises.

The best I can do after a month is a bullet point post but without the actual dots because I find them distracting and unnecessary in a blog that is best organized in bullet points to begin with. These are very much not in order of importance.

Since 11:00 last night, there has been a box of a dozen dunkin’ donuts in this house with no less than 4 apple fritter ones and 4 bavarian cream ones. So far I have managed to refrain from eating one. Like the alcoholic, I know that one donut might as well be the box when it comes to those light, sweet, fluffy carbs. In another 12 hours, they won’t even be as fresh as they were when they first arrived and I hope to remain successful.

The school where I work has 360 some students. The teacher in charge of a “Links of Love and Locks of Love” fundraiser ($1 a paper link to raise money for the American Cancer Society and of course the hair cuts) set a goal of $5000 for this year. We’ve met that goal in the past when the economy was better and when we had a business partner donation. This year, on the day before the assembly, we had about $2500. At the close of the end of the very next day, those kids brought in $5300 without any assistance from outside sources. The community just kept giving. Eight kids and one teacher gave up at least 8 inches of hair for Locks of Love. The classroom teacher with leukemia was on hand to both witness and cut the hair of the other teacher. She was as cool as a cucumber while the rest of the adults (o.k. maybe just me) were blubbering idiots. It was pretty amazing. There are some pictures on our web-site if you want to see more and beam with pride with me.

One knit-nighter (and I’m not saying who) has a desperate fear of goats. A fear like some people have of mice or spiders. She says- “I don’t like goats.” I say, “What about those cute little fainting ones.” She says, “If I was face to face with a fainting goat, we’d just take turns fainting.”

A friend of mine in med school (again not saying who) is starting a rotation in psychology this month. It’s the first time I wish you could bend the rules of the Hippocratic oath just a little bit. Not for the sake of knowing about her patients but definitely for understanding what it’s like to be a newbie doctor in that situation.

In first grade music, as we sing about farms and animals in the spring, I like to read the book Dooby Dooby Moo It’s about how Farmer Brown’s farm animals win a trampoline at the Talent Show at the County Fair. I use that lesson to introduce those kids to the microphone, what it feels like to talk into one, and how it works. We have our own “talent show” (without judges of course). They are intimidated by the mic at first and all I demand of each one is that they say their name into it. That usually breaks the ice. We go from that to telling some jokes and then they only get a turn if they sing a little tune in it.

This brings me to Joke-Telling by First Graders. It’s like a jazz improvisation session. As a rule,they don’t really get the underlying construction of a joke. They only really understand the surface format. One kid starts with an actual joke (maybe) and words get exchanged, rearranged, repeated, and rewound to make new “jokes.” It’s a little rough on the one or two kids who actually understand the concept of a joke but once they see me embracing the absurd and surreal, they can’t help but join in the laughter. I share with you my favorite joke to come out of these improvisations. And by joke, I really mean “anti-joke.”

Why did the pig cross the road?
I don’t know, why? (here we also learn the right way to hear a joke)
So he could ride in the helicopter.

Sadly I could find no images on the Google of that so you'll just have to envision your own.


LisaBe said...

1. your blog makes me very happy. i miss you when you don't post.
2. your donut resistance is very impressive. i have zero willpower when it comes to donuts, particularly plain cake donuts and then maybe cinnamon or cinnamon-sugar cake donuts. i have never had an apple-fritter one, but it sounds like it would be my undoing. cream-filled, though, you can keep.
3. the fainting goats are actually experiencing something called cataplexy. i learned this because it is a symptom of narcolepsy. i have experienced it a few times (i haz narcolepsy!). what you can't tell from the video is that one also loses bladder control. all your muscles shut down--it's similar to the paralysis that normal people experience when they're asleep (to keep you from physically acting out the things you're doing in your dreams). cool story, bro.
4. the font on the cover of "dooby dooby moo" is called regular joe and was my favorite for a long time. i owned it. and then i didn't any more. again: cool story, bro.

there. that's more than i've written on my own freaking blog in way more than a month. so you should feel better now :)
p.s. any interest in going to the fiber festival (waynesburg?) and meeting up again?

Cindy said...

I'm sorry you have had to deal with the blog weirdness. Just remember, as in the awesomeness of your school and their ability to raise $5300 for cancer research, people are usually pretty wonderful. Please don't let the few that suck ruin it for you. I love that book cover. And, goats don't frighten me, but I understand the deep fear behind it. Thankfully, I'm not like that about any animal. Some people, maybe;-P Hugs, kiddle.

kmkat said...

When people are mean to you, just let me know. I'll take 'em out, no problem. Have pointy sticks, will travel.

Janet said...

I don't know what happened but try to remember that most of us who read your blog are friends and we only wish the best for you. The few who don't are just mean-spirited bullies. If you need a laugh, check out the ugliest pants ever worn on my May 10th posting!

Roxie said...

Q Why did the chicken cross the road? A Because it was too far to walk around.

Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A Fish.

The pig crossing the road joke is definitely surreal.

Everyone is entitled to their own silly-ass opinion, but anyone who doesn't like you is a stupid turd. Continuing to enjoy life is the best revenge.

Apple fritters? You resisted fresh apple fritters? My God, woman, you have the strength of a saint! Why in the name of all that's reasonable did you have a box of doughnuts in the house?

Sunshine said...

Don't quit your blog job!!!