Th previously posted bird in hand mitts were frogged. Bam Pow in madtosh. It would be a victory if they weren't too small.
Made some easypeasy potato soup. Pepper is key. Second batch was better than the first.
When it's time to return to the world it's going to be difficult. We've been napping-sleeping-bingeing-repeat for a complete week; taking a break only to go to the grocery store.
The thing is, everyone has gone through this with someone in their lives. Benign? Malignant? No signs? Metastasized?
Buddhist meditation and non-attachment becomes laughable. Which is, I suppose the Buddha's joke regarding the human condition. Attachment causes suffering. You can't help but attach. There will always be suffering. (Suffering in the Buddhist definition- greathusbandbob isn't suffering suffering.)
And so one day it is clear that the doctor will announce he has many years ahead and the next day all he says is he will have to fight for his life. And the appointment isn't until January 4th. And every now and then I take a Xanax when I start to get to ahead of myself.
In the meantime, the Gnomes have a friend. (Why does autocorrect always capitalize Gnomes?)
Her boobs are uneven but it is my understanding that most are. More realistic. Soon she will be monogamous as this evening I find her a life partner. Until now I thought the Gnomes looked monk-like I'll have to see if there is chemistry.
Firstly I was fine and cool with all things surgically related up until the moment pre-op was over and he was headed to op. Ian takes an elephant when he travels to share the trip with his girls. This trip was no exception.
He also had a pre-op selfie with dad. Does it count as a selfie if someone else snaps the pic?
Shortly after this was taken I was a hot crying mess and he held me close and told me how lucky I am to love someone so much that it makes all the feels.
In the waiting room he pulled up every adorable picture of his cute girls and dog on his computer from when they lived in Switzerland to distract.
Once I settled in to some calmness and knitting (the second Xanax in as many hours) he and brotherJerry went for a walk. There was a vendor entering Mountaineer Field and thus an open gate. Ian began live streaming their break-in which eventually led to a golf/injury cart (with keys). The only thing that stopped them from pulling a Marshawn Lynch (YouTube link) was that greathusbandbob might need them later in the day.
No YouTube upload but a good picture for proof.
So kmkat, we are the lucky ones. Surrounded by distractions when there's no use in worrying.
All that being said, greathusbandbob is minus one left kidney, a previously unnoticed hernia and some tissue from the lymph node to check for the bad stuff. While waiting for him to get out of recovery both son Ian and I would turn to look at anyone entering the room, fully believing him indestructible enough to pop out a kidney and come Immediately home to binge on some Netflix.
Son Ian is spending the night in the hospital. When greathusbandbob expressed worry an d concern that I might leave him because he was sick I said "I never liked that left kidney anyway."
The following is the update sent today.
We spent the day with Dr. Cardio who, by 4:30 this afternoon, phoned Dr. Kidneyremover. Dr. Knockhimoutsohedoesntwakeup (the one ultimately responsible for Tuesday's cancellation) hasn't jumped in yet but we believe that Dr. Cardio gave him enough info to go forward this time.
Pre-op tomorrow, surgery on Monday.
And because that's how Dr. Cardios operate, we got fair warning of possible heart failure or stroke.
I am at my most absurd when stressed to the max- on beyond crying, I have become Dark-humored Detective Lennie Briscoe from Law and Order.
In better news- estranged daughter of brotherjerry saw the joy and ridiculousness of the Tuesday photo and has become just a little less estranged.
In crack me up a little bit news- I've done the same songs in my winter program for the last five years. You've heard this story- spirituals. So many came up to say "that was the best show ever." I really need to quit worrying about whether the program is the same every year or not.
No surgery today.
Dr. Cardio verbally approved surgery last Monday. That is not what was in his written notes. When Dr. Anesthesiologist got the report he did not see approval. No one told Dr. Urology Surgeon or Patient Greathusbandbob. We arrived promptly at 10:45 am and waited patiently to be sent home at 2:30 pm. Everyone blames Friday's pre-op administrators for the snafu but they were unavailable for comment.
With some fancy insurance footwork and a nuclear stress test (the second in as many years), we are rescheduled for the 19th.
I see their secret plot. Make everyone mad enough to overtake the worry. In other related news, today's Christmas vacation countdown calendar present was a bag of marbles so once again, perfection.
Around 1:30 brother and sister in law were getting hungry having eaten nothing all day. It was only after a fifteen minute conversation about whether to go to the cafeteria that I remembered the treats in my bag.
Greathusbandbob, always one to make the best of a bad situation hauled the fam over to the Aunt so she could have a family picture. I'm the only one she's actually related to. The woman in red is Barbara who lives there and whose short term memory is so bad there was never a lull in conversation.
So don't think of it as not losing a kidney with cancer, think of it as a treasured family memory.
First the vacation countdown advent milk carton calendar. Gift number one:
Deodorant. Would that I could hear our inspiration Gerry Brooks say that word.
I won't be here to open most of them but believe I will do so daily just to make each day have a little laugh.
Second- the people that care about you. The kindergarten aides and teachers put together a waiting for surgery hospital goodie bag to keep me busy while we wait tomorrow. I love people.
All of the goodies won't fit in one picture but this should keep me good for an hour or two.
Third- the people who are in your life who become closer and more connected to you because they've been there done that, and in doing so would move heaven and earth to be helpful
Still worried.
Still waiting.
Still scared.
Still medicating. It's not making me sleepy which is how I measure if I am overusing. (That and following the directions on the script)
Still having bouts of hidden tears.
GreatsonIan arrives in the morning tomorrow.
GreatbrotherJerry and GreatsisinlawMerly arrive tomorrow evening.
GreatauntSippy made me laugh and feel comforted today (in spite of pointing out it's how her husband died.)
Surgering surgery on Tuesday.
Winter program at school on Wednesday. Little does the sub know his main purpose that day will be setting up th sound system and tearing it down.
No more school until 2017 after that.
If greathusbandbob weren't such a badass, he would still be waiting for the initial consult originally scheduled for the 15th. As always he gets shit done and doesn't waste any time.
A reading of the results of the CT scan ( with and without contrast) says there's no indication of metastasizing which I know is only preliminary but feels a little promising.
le sigh.
Greathusbandbob is having a kidney removed on Tuesday. His son and his brother are coming to town to stand watch and be my helping family.
The winter program is the day after the surgery. I have a sub coming to help set up. Then I will have a sub all the way through until break begins.
It's funny how school works. Most crises are faced with either hush hush gossip or a three page long email explaining every detail.
I opted for middle ground. Tell what I know. The simple facts. If people want to ask more, they can. And sometimes they know you'll just cry so they hug you and move on. As it turns out, one good friend had a similar and positive outcome to share that I had no idea about. And talking to her made me feel better.
I think, minus the outliers, everybody goes through lots of the same hard stuff. If you're willing to put yourself out here first (without appearing to have borderline personality disorder) there is reassurance, empathy and comfort to be found. Also Betty doesn't even know about this blog, but thanks anyway Betty.
While having a class full of kindergarteners come up to me, trap me behind my keyboard in close quarters and whisper what they asked their classroom elf on a shelf for is, in fact, adorable, the accompanying fever chills and sneezing that was to shortly follow was not. Zicam work your magic. I know zicam is not science but I'm hoping for a placebo effect.
This adorable has no side effects-
This window of pointing Gnomes is what I see when walking out of the bedroom. So as long as it's not zero dark thirty, I laugh a little when I wake up.
In the category of make Mondays better I'll be making homemade mac and cheese and hard boiled eggs for lunches next week. If this recipe has the same effect as the last two (as in the sight of food prepared by me made me physically squeamish) then I give up. It will be PB&J the rest of the year.
Also there is this- by pernciple Gerry Brooks
There are four of us who will be making our nine day milk carton advent calendar next week and begin opening them on December 12. Should make for some laughing.
In other medical news, aunt continues to walk, cousin is no longer eligible for Medicair, only Medicaid (thank you Pennsylvania) and greathusbandbob has appointments on Monday and Wednesday next week for some calcification in his heart and a mass growing on a kidney. For now we are pretending it's all in a days doctor appointment because what's the point of worrying.
Something happened. I don't know when. I thought maybe I just hated the chicken breasts that greathusbandbob made (which are objectively very good- I just can't.). White chicken chili was once my favorite thing. Surely it can not be a part of my psyches protest against chicken. But it is. <sad face>
I'm wondering if hormonal pre-menopausal stages also bring changes in appetite. Some food just makes me so mad.
I made a dog but Knitnightgina assembled it. It has gnome friends.
His name is Murphy- made while watching Z-Nation. In an ironic twist, Amanda's alligator is chewing on his leg. This scene was followed by several more and if you know anyone who is hiring independent contractors to create hilarious knitted toy tableaus, I may be able to hook you up, (that would have been so funny if it were crochet.) People may having been smiling curiously at us in Panera's.
The next gnome has been started on size 10 needles with four strands of Elsbeth Lavold's silky wool.
The gnomes are to be a fixture of knit night until it gets boring- with more to come until snow can make me laugh instead of gnomes. Also why does autocorrect keep trying to capitalize Gnomes? Also in the works in my head is a size 2 needles/sock yarn version of the dog. Puppies!
Blue tortilla chips to accompany tomorrow's white chicken chili will look fabulous on this most recently painted plate.
Also I do not want vacation to end.
It's thanksgiving break and I am doing three and a half things.
Knitting.
Watching black and white movies on YouTube.
Reading.
Napping.
I say three and a half things because I seem to only manage a paragraph or two at a time before napping.
I'm reading an Erik Larson non-fiction account of the US ambassador to Germany just before he start of WWII. There are too many quotes from this book that fit today. Also, while he craftily documents and creates stories from artifacts, it's still pretty thick reading and I've given up trying to keep accurate track of who's who in the story.
The black and white moviethon had Orson Welles as a lawyer fighting against the death penalty and another movie called "Joe Macbeth." A film noir gangster version of Macbeth. I caved and purchased YouTube Red. Mostly because the commercials are three times as loud as most of the movies and they scare the shit out of me every time.
This is a sneak peak at knitting- I can't wait to assemble!
Cousin is having a holiday meal at the drop-in center today which I've decided relieves any formal gathering on our part. We will be taking pies to aunt in the afternoon for a visit. (Lemon meringue and pecan- made by Giant Eagle). I'll also take cousin to Bob Evans on Saturday. She said "they'll probably have leftover thanksgiving turkey, if not I'll just get a turkey fork and knife sandwich."
Time to read some more (wink wink nod nod)
As soon as I had a moment with one of my third grade classes on Wednesday morning, they asked me who I voted before. Even before I could answer, grinning ear to ear, they said "Donald Trump won!" The conversation snowballed into "I'm glad he won Hillary was going to take our guns and close the coal mines." I got a handle on the conversation, stated no opinion (as teachers are instructed to do when it comes to politics) and tried to explain amendments and how they are overturned to a group of 7-8 yr olds.
As soon as these words were spoken, images from Sandy Hook Elementary flashed through my head and really it was all I could do just to understand gravity and make it keep,working for me.
Today I listened to a podcast called Trumpcast produced by Slate News. Jacob Weisberg was interviewing a white high school teacher from an all black high school. They discussed the difficulties in coping with what the election told them about our country etc. In the end the teacher talked about the comfort of unity and togetherness that all experienced as they shared their fears and emotions.
Here in western PA, western MD and most of rural WV (where I teach) if we supported Hillary, we did not have that luxury. We are from another planet.
And while I keep my politics out of my classroom (especially the black and white minds of the very young), it is absolutely soul sucking not to be able to publically condemn all that is wrong with what happened on Tuesday. Where is the line between avoiding political views and teaching little ones to be good citizens. I guess for now I know where I've chosen to place it. I'm just not terribly proud of the things I am not able to teach.
Below is the innocence of the birthday banana split from Sarris'. Consumed on Tuesday night before the results came in.
Also, who can watch Negan on the walking dead when there are real monsters soon to run the world.
Celebratory ice cream for lunch on Saturday. Not only celebrating the b-day but also celebrating the completion of the most difficult task in wallet replacement- the DMV.
Fancypants lunch on Monday. Nurseshelly made crab dip- I brought the things you don't have to cook.
We ate birthday dinner at my favorite hole in the wall Lebanese restaurant where the wife/waitress forced shawarma instead of my usual gyro platter. She kept saying "you try something new... you might like." She was mistaken.
There was ice cream cake when we got home.
Greathusbandbob sang and didn't get all weepy like he did when he and aunt sang on Sunday.
We waited for an hour to vote today, ate some Mexican food for lunch and picked up my newly detailed car. Tonight we head north and it's a "the election is over and yesterday was your birthday" party at Sarris' ice cream parlor with knit night friends.
Two days of school and another day off- the following week begins program prep and then off we go into the holiday season.
I'm still double knitting hearts because I like the color combos.
Item the one. The non-verbal kindergartener (not diagnosed with anything but will probably be on the autism spectrum) spoke in my room today. And spoke and spoke and spoke. In the past he might communicate with a whisper. Today we were playing with the chant "Mabel Mabel set the table don't forget the ___ ___ ___ " where kids fill in the blanks with food and practice clapping the syllables. The aide sitting next to him was whispering "turkey" in his ears trying to get a response and he up and shouted "NO! NOODLES!" He spent the rest of class talking and talking. I would say everyone stand up he would repeatedly say "I can't stand up." (While he was standing). Then he changed it up after a while and said "I can't sit down!" Last year in pre-k his favorite sound was the sound of the bus brakes which he would do every time a bus arrived. What a win to watch it happen.
It's pretty hard to top that. Greathusbandbob had a WVU shirt (that fit and was cotton instead of nylon) and a Penguins hat hanging in my room this evening. Start of the birthday festivities.
I finished the never ending cardigan by Hannah Fetig at knitnight on Tuesday. Right sleeve longer than the left because measuring. It's actually called the Effortless Cardigan. It's a great pattern and the second time I've made it. Dog nails and life took a toll on the first one. It's in a lightweight dark blue alpaca and as of now fits mostly like a short bathrobe. Just as the other one did. And yet I am pleased.
This inspired knitting corner overhaul as I often do after a big project. This helps me see how many unfinished projects I have and check to see if there are any I want to finish. Finding plenty unfinished but none that struck my fancy I did this- which will likely become one of those unfinished items later on.
Don't even bother to squint to see the colors. This bad photography could probably start a new "what color is the dress" meme. Trust me when I say that they are fabulous and time for daylight pictures will reveal all.
No! NOODLES! What the what?
NurseShelly and I eat lunch together. After my success with plating cheese and crackers we decided to collaborate. Last week she made spinach dip and I brought mini bread bowls from which to eat it. No pictures. This week I was in charge of lettuce, tortilla wraps, apples and caramel dip and she was the boss of the chicken salad.
It's not such a great plating job but I have visions of a new plate in my future. Now that the plate has a purpose I may be more inspired design-wise. (To be continued.)
Next week is birthday week. I will bring shrimp cocktail for lunch because birthday. Nurseshelly will find something to accompany it. It's good that I'll be eating healthy at lunchtime as I am asking to have my birthday dinner at Bruster's where so far the top pick is this-
Dinner on the knitnight 8th will be here-
 |
| Sarris Ice Cream |
It will be an ice cream sort of birthday.
In school hilarity, I asked young children (age 5) why we don't have school on November 11th. Guesses included summer vacation, because it's his birthday and "because we need a day off." When eventually got to calling it Veteran's Day (as a lead up to singing You're a Grand Old Flag and pretending to be in a parade with mini flags) one girl thought maybe Veteran's day was the day we take our dogs to the vet.
Greathusbandbob is trying to recapture the "Men of Mayberry" glee from last month but it's the intent and presentation that he's got going for him. A man's shirt two sizes too small in a fabric that induces an immediate hot flash will likely be returned. Let's Gooooooo Mountaineers,
We're taking cousin to Prime rib night in the burg on Friday- the weekly Walmart trip will follow. Hopefully a trip to AAA on Saturday morning will complete the lost wallet card replacement process.
The end.
Another duly noted uncatastrophic week passed last week much to the delight of everyone involved.
Aunt remains in a holding pattern although they insisted on a care plan conference call this morning. The last time we had one of those was at a critical juncture. Today's was an annoying formality. The doctor says she can't rehab so we wait until she can. Their primary concern was that insurance wouldn't be a problem.
Cousin has a Halloween party on Wednesday. She called last week looking to get some cowboy boots. I said if we could find them at Walmart- o.k. I wasn't expecting a positive outcome. Then I saw the ankle boots with zippers on the side that are like fake short cowboy boots. Halloween costume for the win.
Greathusbandbob has been motoring along breathing freely until this weekend. Some sort of bug caught him and when that happens in combination with copd it's pretty terrifying for him. What is Prednisone and nebulizer for $200, Alex?
The best part of today was lunch. I brought baby carrots and mini Italian bread rolls. Nurseshelly brought spinach dip. A clever shared lunch may be the new self soothing Sunday nightmare dread solution.
The latest binge is PBS' Mr. Selfridge. I can't even begin to express what a relief it is to watch a show completely devoid of zombies, blood and guts. Just silly British antics that all work out in a feel good way in the end. This in contrast to last night's Walking Dead which was one of the most disturbing things ever. I tend not to watch- greathusbandbob likes it- and will only listen and even that filter offered no relief.
I have the sleeves to an effortless cardigan by Hannah Fettig on the last stretch to completion. It will be delayed for a few days as I make a monkey hat for our guidance counselor's new baby. He has a son named Jack. Baby girl didn't have a name as of noon today so we sent out a quick note suggesting Jill or maybe Jillian so that he would have Jack and Jill. There's been no response, I can't imagine why it hasn't been a priority.
In the past I might have skipped writing this post given its lack of storytelling excitement. Except I really want a record of calmer days so that the next time the shit hits the fan I'll be able to look back with some relief.
Or something like that.
Whenever I have had snacks at kmitnightgina's house they are delightful. She's got some smarts when it comes to mixing flavors and appears to just "throw together" magic.
Last week I decided to see if I could transfer the idea of that to my school lunch and realized that part of the problem with lunch at school is the manner in which it is delivered. I experimented with tiny plastic containers and then decided to try to "plate" my lunch for greater appeal.
This looks so much better than snarfing food out of plastic baggies and cardboard boxes. It just so happened that prek teacher at school was looking for lunching advice. She saw this and was delighted.
When I told her I painted the fancy plate at the WOW factory she said "I want to do that!" And then there were a bunch of "me too's" from school friends I like a lot and I think we might have a field trip in the works.
Speaking of field trips I'm hoping for an awesome knit night field trip on Election Day (also the day after my birthday). It involves having regularly scheduled knit night at Sarris' ice cream parlor. Knitnightgina and knitnightdrjustine are in so I can pretty much count on some awesome. KnitnightLucy has found us and she makes me damn laugh. There is nothing better than a fast thinker and quick-to Laugh-er. And we can add another one to the club.
Note to future self- when life is complicated, it's harder to laugh. When it relaxes, the laughing comes back. That is such a relief.
