Patience is what I have

Lunch with the aunt. Last week (actually for two weeks) the conversation was about fruitcakes.  Particularly Collins St. fruitcakes in Texas.

Lunch companion Barbara talked of getting them every year.  As a sort of joke/gesture, I sent one to her last week. I consulted with aunt and she said “make it from both of us.” Apparently they didn’t put the requested “from Becky and Sippy.” Barbara thanked the aunt for the fruitcake.  Aunt yelled to her “I DIDN’T GET YOU A BRIEFCASE!”  When she loses her hearing, she does it in a big way. Also she has no memory of me telling her I was going to do it.

After lunch we gathered at Barbara’s door to have a fruitcake party. And while greathusbandbob suggested it, I’m pretty sure he didn’t think it was going to happen and certainly not right away. Trapped in a little room with 4 ladies over 87 (aunt was the youngest one) oozing over fruitcake. And no one really hearing a thing anyone was saying.

I took this opportunity to go to aunts room and set up her  new tv remote (lost since she’s been there) so that she can see the bottom of her screen.  Much to my surprise not only did I get the remote to work, I changed the wide zoom to normal zoom and would not have to try to figure it out under pressure.

Upon returning from the fruitcake party I showed her the change and at first she was pleased, repeatedly asking “how did you do that?”  She finally heard my answer after asking the 4th time “I got a new remote.”  She didn’t hear it earlier because she was still asking the question.

After watching for a few minutes (checking to make sure she could see the scores) she said “it didn’t work. I still can’t see the numbers. (As if she could see them even if they were there-she says she can’t identify the food on her plate.) So I go back into settings and because the remote is new (and greathusbandbob is usually the boss of all remotes) the picture disappears.  While I am trying to manage the buttons and collect the necessary order of operations in my head, greathusbandbob is to my right saying “try channel 2,” aunt is to my left saying “slow down, what does that say on the bottom?” She can’t read a 60 pt font right in front of her so I don’t even know how she knew they were words. Breathe in, breathe out. Fuckity fuck.

I got the tv talking to the cable box again and moved in close to try to adjust the picture saying “talk amongst yourselves.” No success but kind of like the story where the Rabbi tells the guy complaining about the noise in his house to bring the barnyard animals in the house, when they are finally gone, the house seems quiet— When there was finally a picture, she minded less about the words on the bottom.

In other take a breath moments, greathusbandbob and I became the couple where one tells the story and the other corrects.  He maintains no details so when he makes shit up I just give a little under the breath correction.  I can’t believe it’s come to this.  Usually I leave him alone but he was missing the heart of the story. 

Him: Becky and I were married 

Me: we were dating, it was our first date.

You get the idea.

Later on he shared the story about getting aunt a cheaper lifty chair- the jack in the box version.  Crank it and up she pops. When she goes, nobody knows.  She looked at me and asked “how many times have you heard that one” and I said I’m not sure but I was the one who told it to begin with.

This evening, after the Browns lost, he went upstairs and got a list of Netflix shows he wrote down.  This likely came from a Facebook/huffington post type list called “what to watch.”

The first one he pulled up was mystery science theater 3000.  If you’re not familiar, it shows old B movies with generally funny commentary from three robot silhouettes presumably at the front of the theater.  I have been watching this show for YEARS.  I remember trying to get him to sit still for an episode when we were first married.  Turns out he still doesn’t like it which is fine.

The real kicker was Unbreakable Kimmy Schmitt.  This is another one we’d watched the first episode of and he refused to consider it.  This evening he watched all of episode 1 and said “that one might be a keeper.”  I never even told him.  It would have been like telling him there was no meat in the lasagne he ate tonight. Because really, 

All’s well that ends well.

The days are dwindling

Soon it will be time to return to school with nary a snow day in sight.

The weekly cousin trip had another moment of progress- We're going to lunch with her friends on her birthday.  Usually there is a phone call or two to figure out what time we are going.  Today she informed me she told everyone to meet at noon and that we would go to the grocery store after lunch. She made a decision with confidence. What the what!

I had a list of things (not chores) to play with while on break and I really just ended up reading and coloring a lot- they must be my go-to activities- there was some knitting.  Stephen King's The Outsiders  reminded me of his early works.  He can write a suspenseful chapter. There was some token gruesome violence but it didn't drive the story.  In it he (and others who review this one on Goodreads) refers to a suspense writer named Harlan Coben so I picked up Fool Me Once.  How fun it is to have something to read that you actually try to stay awake for.

It was make some lasagne night tonight.

I threw it together without a recipe-and it was fine.  All these years I thought lasagne was so complicate.  i may forgo the oven-ready noodles next time.  There is a certain gumminess to them.  The sauce is a marinara with boca ground beef and broccoli.

No clever closing comments- just a sigh for time flying.

Break day 4

Took the cousin shopping as per usual on Saturday.  It is inevitable that when we go out to eat, she gets food on her.  I often do to but I wipe it off and move on.  She frets and asks if it will come out and worries that she is going to be scolded (or as she refers to it- bawled out.) This week she spilled a little something, looked down, and said “it never fails...” with almost a smile on her face.  I consider this to be one of the greatest accomplishments of the past year.  Relaxed enough to laugh at herself.

Sunday was the weekly aunt visit sans greathusbandbob. The latest version of the cold going around still had him down.  Come to find he is not required for constant conversation. She takes his place though it’s often the same stories/complaints over and over.  I was scolded/bawled out for being more relaxed this time and not other times.  I told her I’m sure it had something to do with the fact that I was starting a week off.  She didn’t believe me.

Monday was house cleaning day and it was a great success.  I actually texted this picture to the woman who comes to clean our house.

This dresser and stand are usually piled high with clothes.  I made things fit in drawers. I never do that.  It’s hereditary.  As soon  as the last load is out of the dryer tomorrow I will have no chores hanging over my head. None. 

I’ve been coloring and saving pictures of internet dogs in the evenings.

The sad news is that whilst doing laundry this accidentally went into the washer and is ruined. It’s times like these I refer to the concept of impermanence to manage my disappointment.

Today was the traditional breakfast and presents for the cousin it her house.  Microwave pancakes and bacon simplified everything.  I did manage to use the rest of the box of oranges I bought and used the juicer to make fresh orange juice.  Come to find if you soak the parts of that in soapy water for an hour there is no real cleanup involved.

Cousin got two calendars because I forgot I had already purchased and wrapped one.  I’m officially in the “I forgot what I bought” mom’s club.

While I don’t want to wish my break away, I’m looking forward to watching Jeopardy on Thursday.  My summer visiting favorite internet friend kmkat is a contestant.

And finally they couldn’t do the uterine lining biopsy.  Apparently my cervix has the required marine haircut and is high and tight.  They couldn’t get through. So on January 7, I go to one day surgery for a D&C. Prior to making that call I mostly just closed my eyes and thanked my lucky stars I wasn’t at the dentist.  Also when I asked her if I had to miss work she said- the procedure day and one day- you can probably stretch it into two if you wanted.. Yippee.  Almost as good as a snow day.  Tomorrow I’ll write lesson plans for the sub and who knows what else because everything on the list is done!

Winter break

Otherwise known as how many pictures can I take of my dog in 10 days.

Actually it may not just be me.  This is Corbi. Dog of favorite school counselor.  Now we’ll have something to answer when someone inevitably asks “did you do anything fun over Christmas break?”

December’s gathering.

The counselor holding the coloring book that says “I color to hide the pain.”

1

My prison Mike Christmas tree ornament-turned rear view mirror decor.

The contents of the teapot.

Upon the receipt of the contents.

Me and my gift.

I like the people I work with.

Signs of the Season

Singing - my 13 member choir was to sing at the senior center today. It is this big.

Except it’s only as big as the left half of it.  The right half is where I get my hair cut.

We went there because there was no way this group could hold their own in front of a gym sized audience.  The center is about 2 miles from the school.  We made this plan in October. I gave my principal a note like this once we knew we were going.

It was to remind her to order a bus (which only she can do and which has to be done at least 2 weeks before the event.). She forgets stuff.  I figured a picture might help.  We laughed.  She (presumably) ordered the bus.  Fast forward to the week after Thanksgiving break. Did we get a bus to the senior center?  Yes, it’s all taken care of.   I removed myself from the equation having done due diligence.

Today there was no bus.  Transportation guy said “it was deleted from the system.” I have my doubts. She forgets stuff. She made phone calls and got permission to drive the kids herself.  Three trips (20 minutes) later we were assembled and singing. Well, sort of singing.  I played a recording of children singing carols and they sang along.  I’m pretty sure the eldercrowd was more interested in the flashing light necklaces we wore.  Which we gave to them as we left because how could we not. I was a little bit afraid of a knock down drag out because there were more elders than necklaces but they worked it out.

Of note is that when the principal informed me there was no bus, I experienced no rise in heart rate or blood pressure. Yet another sign of being old and wizened 

Presents - Olivia (in choir) left this wrapped with a tag that said it was handmade by her.  I think it must have been done on a slim piece of wood.  At first I thought it smelled like nail polish remover but I realized it was glue/paint I was smelling. There really is nothing better than a handmade holy crap this took some time present from a kid.

Decorations - My most favorite decoration on the way to and from work is this one.

I know it’s hard to see but apparently Mary, Joseph and Jesus were originally guarded by a pink troll with a candy cane.  Coming in at a close second is the house that has the huge inflatable sexy reindeer lounging on the grass on one side and the hunter snowman (with camp vest, rifle and orange cap) inflatable on the other side.  That one goes by too fast for me to even get a bad picture of it. But here are some from the internet.

   

Come to find this sells for $77 at the box store but you can’t put a price on style.

Celebrating -Tomorrow night is the gag gift gala at the new restaurant that gets a one and a half star review on Yelp.  I may eat before I go - just in case.  Or maybe at least drink.  I was on the fence about going to the last three. But, there was so much laughing at the last one that I am looking forward to it.  Plus there will be gag gifts. And gag gifts revealed.  This is the first time in 30+years that I have even remotely looked forward to a faculty gathering.

And today brings

Thoughtful treats from thoughtful people.

First- the admin who finally removed the post sent these with her daughter today.  What’s not to love- a dog, snowflakes and warm feet.

At the end of the day the first grade parent volunteer asked me to stay for a minute or two extra. (I taught her kids way back when) when all first grades returned, she gave me this delightful embroidered banner to hang in my room.

It’s the phrase we live by when getting instruments.  It makes me feel like I need a few more.  One that says “no biggie” and another that says “what the what?”

The high school kids take finals the rest of the week. The h.s. music teacher will give mine because it’s an extended class period.

My tiny tuneless elementary choir will sing at the senior center on Wednesday.  I can only hope that the seniors are mostly deaf.  Plenty of buckets, no tunes.  I spent $50 on blinking light necklaces to hopefully distract from what will no doubt be a dumpster fire.

It’s all fun and games...

Then it’s hilarious.

I will admit to a slight amount of laziness.  But in my defense, there is a reason spirituals have been around for over 200 years.  While the program stays the same (apparently to the chagrin of some parental audience members) the kids learn a new song every year.  One that they will have and love well beyond Christmas.  Repeating a program is a bit of a lazy way out, but every year afterwards, 8-10 people make a point of coming up and saying how glad they are that I was “brave enough to keep god in the program.”

Until yesterday when a parent (who may or may not have had CPS visit them in the past) called me out on it on a parents school Facebook page.  What happened to Christmas songs like Rudolph and the 12 days of Christmas?  Why all these bible story songs you hear in church?  Why weren’t there decorations. It’s the same thing very year. It was better last year when she did Christmas songs*.  The kids looked like they just weren’t into it.  You could tell the kids were having so much fun. School X has a really good program. Etc. etc etc.

* I did change it up to the Rudolphy  program last year at the request of a kid. So saying it’s the same every year but last year was better is hilarious.

I spent last night and this morning trying to get past it, composing passive aggressive responses and generally accepting that while it could get boring for parents, it’s really great for their kids.  But maybe it’s only boring for parents who don’t really look at their kids while they’re singing.

Finally I had some insight.  I’m fairly certain none of them knew I was a member of the group.  So I “liked” the post, näively pretending that it was a polite request for a greater variety of song selection.  I crack me the hell up.  It made it easier for me and it was the least confrontational while still making my presence known.

There were words of support (mostly former students now parents) and finally the page administrator deleted the post saying it was an informational page not a complaint page.  Complaints should go to the proper individuals. I wish I had screen shot the comments.

The dog still loves me and agrees to be on my lap for a little bit nightly.

Why I get a guy.

This is how the cords for the sound system go.  Maybe I don’t have to get a guy next year.  Except it so much easier.

An adventure at long last.

To the Clayton House, my Victorian dream. No inside pictures allowed but Mrs. Frick’s bedroom has appeared to me in my sleep.

Then to dinner with spinach ricotta ravioli in a tomato cream sauce.  You know it’s good Italian food when the flavors are subtle and don’t hit you like a Mac truck.

Then to the Phipps botanical garden with light display.

All with the best people to have fun with.

In other news, biopsy on the 20th.  Gag gift party that night.  The office teapot has been improved with a usb drive containing pertinent teapot clips and an actual $400 iPod that’s useless and aged out.

Also I may have gone adventuring early and accidentally eaten ice cream at Sarris’ and bought jelly beans.  It happens.

Further more

In line with being either at the top or at the bottom, the state of West Virginia just became #1 in mourning what would have been a blip on the radar if his contemporary weren't such an ass.

The state of West Virginia closed all state offices, West Virginia University and all public schools as a day mourning for George H.W. Bush.

At the end of the day we heard about the National Day and that there would be no mail delivered.  We also heard about state offices being closed.  I jokingly asked "if it's all state employees, will they close the schools as well?"  And indeed they did.  At 4:30 in the afternoon.  Older facebook friends noted that they didn't even close the schools for Kennedy's funeral so what the damn what?

I don't really mind.  There is a bit of an inconvenience in that it's been over a month since I've seen my choir which meets on Wednesday.  Last week it was a snow day, the week before it was Thanksgiving and the week before that was an early dismissal.  Next week is the program- fortunately I had already planned on NOT having them sing there.  They are just awful.  But, we are going to the senior center to perform the following week on - Wednesday of course.

I was going to try and make it a sing along so that the audience would help them but I don't know how well that will go over.  Instead I took the advice of my principal, downloaded some carols, make a booklet with the words and they will just sing with recorded music.  My 28 year old self is having a heart attack.  My 53 year old self is laughing and laughing.

Also the high school is planning several holiday activities meaning shortened classes so it appears as though I will be able to make medieval times last until Christmas and save Leonardo da Vinci for January.

In other news, I'm waiting to hear what's next my body.  They finally decided to have a look at the crazy heavy cycles I have been occasionally getting in the last three years.  Seems like there are some cysts blocking what would be the normal release of the lining.  In my mind it's a little irrelevant as they are suggesting that everything mostly over and done with anyway.  I hear back from them at the end of the week.  The trans-vaginal ultra sound (yes its as bad as it sounds) lady asked if they planned to biopsy anything.  I was like what the what?  At least it was a little hint as to what might come.