miscellani

I don't have any kids. I think if ever I would have been with child I would have been the funniest most amazed pregnant person on the planet. I'm pretty sure I would have spent my time walking around pointing to my belly and shouting to the world "THERE'S A BABY IN HERE!!!!!" (to which everyone would regularly reply "yeah? so? You're not the first.")

As that has not happened, I am of late living vicariously through my friend who is on hospital bed rest with twins- scheduled to arrive in the next few weeks give or take a week.

Yesterday when visiting I walked in, pointed and said "YOU HAVE TWO BABIES IN YOUR BELLY!!!!! HOLY COW!!!!" This is slightly improved to the response I had several years ago when I would ask pregnant friends if they felt like Sigourney Weaver in Aliens.

And then the nurse came in to listen to the fetal heartbeats and I got tears in my eyes. It's a crazy life.

In other very different news...

A hero around these parts is "Big Ben" (Pgh Steeler QB.) He has found himself accused, for a second time, of sexual assault. His public persona does not really fit these accusations and it became yesterday's lunchroom topic of conversation.

Slightly Tacky Lunch Eater- So, what does everyone think of Big Ben?

Everyone- mumble mumble yeah, yeah, whatever.

Clever Lunch Eater (to slightly tacky)- What do YOU think?

Slightly Tacky Lunch Eater (ignoring the general rules of propriety in a public school even if it is the teachers lounge-and not really understanding you can't say anything anywhere-and she's over 50 so I don't think that will change) WELL... I think she offered to give him a blow job and he took her up on it.

Yours truly can keep up with the best of the pirates and rap stars and isn't reluctant to do so when she knows the environment doesn't frown upon it. This however, was not one of those moments and instead in the room, after a few spit takes, there was silence.

Our physed teacher "Chicken Bob" broke the silence. Yea, once a guy gets accused of something like that, others come out... like copy cat killers.

At this point I could NO LONGER keep quiet. With eye contact and a slight plea for forgiveness I sought the tentative permission of those who might be offended and said "Must have been a Serial Blower."

***Insert Spit Takes and Hysterical Laughter.***

Finally-10 in 2010 update

After yesterday's post, Yarnhog suggested that she would enjoy my efforts (however delusional) at trying to complete this Herculian task. In a small way I took this as a personal challenge. When I got home from the hospital, I wound a skein of Malabrigo and cast on for the Prairie Shawl. Clearly the solution to not finishing 10 in 2010 is to at least START 10 in 2010.



EDITED TO ADD: HOLY CRAP- I can't even repeat my own jokes... I didn't say Serial Blower. I said "Copycat Blower."