Chicken Bob or Maybe it's the heat. (cmus friday edition)

So I'm not going to say anything bad about our physical education teacher. He's not one of those cocky jock-types. He's not the kind and nurturing type (much anyway). He gives out more discipline slips than anyone else in the school. He was a substitute teacher for about 15 years before he got this job. Those of you with good line-in-between-reading skills probably have an accurate portrait.

He'll "do you a solid" when you need it and I don't hate working with him- even when he does explain the Marmaduke cartoon to us in the teacher's lounge presuming that because we didn't laugh when he read it to us that we didn't get it.

Today in the teacher's lounge two other colleagues were talking about a construction tractor that was stolen from a site nearby. They were discussing crime (of the rural sort) in general and comparing notes.

Mr. Gym inserted himself into the conversation at a paused moment and said, "It doesn't matter how many times I tell those teachers not to do it, they still let kids into the equipment room to get things for recess. I have things on my desk and my records in there. Now if someone would have asked I would have probably given it to him but when I came back on Thursday the rubber chicken that's been in there for years and years was missing."

me- "someone stole your rubber chicken?"

him (reflecting and a little doleful)- "yea."

I was kind of waiting for him to add "It was my favorite chicken."

At that point I had to leave. Maybe it was the heat. Maybe it was the anticipation of the school year ending. Maybe you have to know him. Maybe you had to hear my internal dialogue, but I was about ready to spit out my food and eat some more and spit it out again from trying not to laugh.

I went directly to the office and said "We need to call Sheriff Dare. Mr. Gym's rubber chicken is missing." (insert secretary spitting food here.)

I made two signs for him (as if I had nothing better to do on the last day of school but really, mostly I didn't.) One was a Wanted poster with Colonel Sanders' picture and another was of a rubber chicken asking "Have you seen me?"

I went in to make sure they didn't make him mad (you never know) and I was laughing laughing but never really said at what. I figured he knew. He laughed heartily with me and then said, "you should go look in my office, someone put up a wanted sign for Colonel Sanders." I wonder what he thought I was laughing at.

Later that day he went to the secretary (in all serious and I'm not even kidding-I kind of wish I was) and asked her to announce over the intercom that if anyone has seen "Chicken Bob" to please return him to the equipment room. I give the end of the day announcements and did as was requested. It may have also been me clucking on the intercom after the kids left and calling "there he goes...."